Xi Jinping and Donald Trump Agree on Cooperation to Bring Peace to Ukraine

According to newly released information, Chinese President Xi Jinping announced last night (Finnish time) that he will assist Donald Trump in bringing peace to Ukraine. The agreement was reached yesterday in Mar-a-Lago, Florida.

In practice, the agreement means providing military aid to the forces fighting in Ukraine to suppress the resistance of the persistently defiant enemy. The primary objective of the Chinese troops is to liberate Kursk and then proceed to the Donetsk and Luhansk regions.

To achieve this, Xi stated that he will send a well-equipped one-million-man contingent from the People's Liberation Army to Ukraine. The troops will be transported from Asia to Europe via continuous, non-stop rail convoys along the Trans-Siberian Railway, which will significantly disrupt Russia's domestic transportation for an extended period.

President Xi mentioned in Mar-a-Lago that he expects the first Chinese troops to reach the front within a week, at which point they will immediately commence the Kursk operation. From there, the Chinese army will advance into Ukraine, continuously reinforcing its ranks with the support of North Korean and Russian allies.

The ultimate goal is to replace the government led by Zelensky with a "peace administration," with which Putin can proceed with the arrangements necessary to incorporate Ukraine into Russia. As a token of gratitude for their assistance, the Chinese will be granted a 100-year exclusive right to the natural resources of southeastern Siberia, ensuring their self-sufficiency in raw materials for the foreseeable future.

At the press conference announcing this news, the U.S. president beamed like the sun as he declared that the agreement guarantees the achievement of peace. Additionally, he announced that he would soon travel to Norway to meet the king.

With this news, I wish you all, my esteemed readers, a delightful start to April!

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5.5 billion loan to establish an alcoholism foundation

5.5 billion loan to establish an alcoholism foundation

In Finland, alcoholism is a massive problem, and recently, drugs have also emerged as an issue alongside it. This is because substance abuse problems often lead to financial difficulties, prompting the parliament to narrowly approve a citizen initiative proposing the establishment and funding of a special foundation for those struggling with substance abuse issues.

The foundation's one-time basic capital is envisaged to be one thousand euros per capita in Finland. Due to Finland's challenging economic situation, the total amount accrued—approximately 5.5 billion euros—will have to be covered through government borrowing. However, this was not seen as a problem, as the public debt is already so large that it's just a drop in the ocean.

According to the preliminary plan, the foundation's funds would be invested profitably in electricity transmission fees, supplemented by a statutory additional fee, which would go towards the foundation's financing without reduction. As the foundation's assets accumulate, individuals struggling with substance abuse could apply to the foundation for financial support. Additional support could also be obtained by presenting receipts from Alko (the Finnish state-owned alcohol retail monopoly) or drug dealers.

For the aforementioned alcohol policy change, the government has established a working group, which includes a representative from the Centre Party and the Finns Party bringing the perspectives of alcoholics, as well as one Green Party and one Left Alliance member serving as experts in various other substances. The working group is chaired by a representative from the Swedish People's Party specializing in foundation financing, assisted by an expert with a background in the National Coalition Party.

The working group is known as "Huhtikuu ensin" in Finnish, although due to increasing internationalization, it is usually referred to by its English translation, "April first".